Dew, Come Again

If someone you love tells you that they will never be able to give you what you need, what's left? I was in a friendship that caused me to question myself, my abilities and my loyalty. I finally let that person push me completely out of there life. I know the best thing would have been to stick it out but I spent three and half years trying to stick it out. Nothing changed, it only got worse. I compromised who I was, what I valued and I felt none of it was appreciated. One day I felt like this was the best friend I could have the next I felt like they were repulsed by my presence. People have differences but damn. The Mormon comments noted on my other blog does not mention a person yet it was taken completely personal. No I don't understand that because my faith is not based on the opinion of any person. Technically because I am considered a Christian and she a Mormon to her I am not truly a Christian, I never griped about that. She is entitled to believe what she wants but don't hate me for having an opinion about it. And any readers out there who can explain this to me please do. You know someone for three and a half years and you all supposed to be firends; not acquaintances, not buddies, not co-workers but FRIENDS and you have not been to there house (yes you all live in the same city and state) I have still yet to come across someone who doesn't see a problem with that. I asked her to see some movies with me, the first movie came and went she never mentioned it. Shrek came and almost went so I went without her. I accept that I should have simply said let's go see the movie. I was wrong for not saying it when it is obvious that I wanted to see it. But she knew I was waiting on her, should she have some responsibility for acting interested? I am very bitter. I saw her tonight with her friend, not her other friend but her friend. She always treated me differently and I feel like an idiot for never just saying it and sticking to it. Everyone could see it even the friends she ditched me for. It's not fair. And to end it all I gave her what I thought she wanted. She never had to be held accountable for anything. Now everyone gets to hear her side like I'm just the emotional chic and she was the innocent bystander that erks me too. Why does everyone get to hear her side? Because I choose to respect the privacy she demanded from me and not speak about her to anyone. But the friend she was with in the store tonight looked me in the face and walked away. Sounds tome like someone knows what's up. I feel stupid for still caring but I don't know how to stop. That seems so heartless to me to ignore someone you care for. But thats what she wants I guess. She sure did a damn good job tonight. And I'm not throwing any responsibility off myself because I could have said something but I am not the one who's feelings should be in question. Do I judge her on a different bar than myself? no. I judge by the scale you place in front of me. I am not a mind reader if you tell me something doesn't bother you or doesn't matter to you thats what I tend to go by. I didn't know you really meant that it did bother you and it does matter. Everytime she saw me I was by myself. I wanted a companion some one I trusted who wanted me around. Thats all I wanted and I couldn't even get that. How can she read every word here and still deny me that? It was never about what I wanted, how many times can you push me down before I stay down? Since I caused so many problems I gave you what you wanted, no more problems, right? Stop telling people I walked away, you pushed me.